Wednesday, March 22, 2006


Thank You , Martha for these-

· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most
people die of natural causes.

· Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure
you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.
If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

· The easiest way to find something lost around the house
is to buy a replacement.

· Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

· Life is sexually transmitted.

· Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

· Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything,
but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

· Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,
lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

· Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder
these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

· All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.

· In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

· Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.
I have come to realize that it bears a
very close resemblance to the first.

· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire,
but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

· Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

· If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

· Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!

· If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme stuff,
why didn't he just buy dinner?

· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

· If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

· If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

· Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star
have the same tune?

· Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

· Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face,
he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride,
he sticks his head out the window?

· Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

· Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

· Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address.

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