..Because, out of all the headlines, in all the papers ,
James Taranto finds ones like these:
'This Isn't a Truly Diverse Place, Not for Hildabeasts'
"College Votes to Let In Male 'Hildabeasts' "--headline, Guardian (London), June 8
Is There a Doctor in the House?
"Health Status of Ill. Politician Unknown"--headline, Associated Press, June 7
Then Again, They May Be Dead
"Fossil Mounds May Be Oldest Life on Earth"--headline, CNN.com, June 7
You Thought It Was Supposed to Say 'Thou Shalt Now Commit Adultery'?
"Panel Edits Ten Commandments"--headline, Advocate (Baton Rouge, La.), June 7
Must've Been Pretty Wrinkled
"Gonzalez Backers Press Suit After 6 Years"--headline, Associated Press, June 7
That's a Lot to Drink
"Two Stranded Near Mathers Gorge on Potomac"--headline, WRC-TV Web site (Washington), June 7
Bad News for Chile First Lady
"Honeymoon May Be Over for Chile President"--headline, Associated Press, June 6
Where's Don Quixote When You Need Him?
"Residents Debate Windmills on Great Lakes"--headline, Associated Press, June 6
It's Bush's Fault!
"Hurricanes Delete Fate From Cup Equation"--headline, USA Today, June 7
What Would Heroin Users Do Without Drug Experts?
"Drug Experts Advise Extra Precautions in Heroin Use"--headline, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, June 6
Why Not Just Go Cold Turkey?
"Bush Admin. Wants to Cut Meth Use 15 Pct."--headline, Associated Press, June 1
Next Reuters Exposé: Check Not Always in Mail
"Virginity Pledgers Often Dishonest About Past"--headline, Reuters, June 1
South Vietnam and East Germany Are Back!
"Nations Split at AIDS Meeting"--headline, Thanh Nien News (Vietnam), June 2
'They Don't Take American Express'
"Songwriter Charged With Growing Pot"--headline, Associated Press, June 1
A Good Reason to Move to the Suburbs
"Nicole Kidman's Urban Sex Ban"--headline, BANG Showbiz, June 1
What Would Earth Do Without JAXA?
"JAXA: Small Asteroids Not as Threatening to Earth"--healdine, CNN.com, June 2
Cliff Was Pretty Relieved Too
"Brooklyn Woman Rescued After 24 Hours on Cliff"--headline, WNBC-TV Web site (New York), June 2
Thanks for the Tip!--LXXVII
"Health Tip: Save Your Feet From Blisters"--headline, HealthDayNews, June 2
'Win One for the Zipper'
"Clinton's Visit to Put Zip in Dems' Fundraising Plans"--headline, Denver Post, June 7